Friday, April 30, 2010


One night to be confused
One night to speed up truth
We had a promise made
Both under influence
Four hands and then away
We had divine sense
To know what to say
Mind is a razorblade

three CHEERS to being twenty-one
I think this might have been the best birthday ever, thanks to my friends, and all the strangers we met as the clock struck midnight.

so the theme for my birthday party was: Sarah in Wonderland, ahemm

But to be quite honest Alice in Wonderland is not my favorite Disney movie. And I never did see the new Alice in Wonderland, I couldn't watch it with the right person. But, basically her love of cats, and blonde hair unite us. But I do think there is something else, I mean Wonderland and all there was to it, came from her mind, in a dreamy place far away?

I keep forgetting today isn't Sunday and checking for new postsecret. fail, everytime.
Best feeling in the world: q-tip cleaning your ears. holla
Studying with Katherine at the serious table-being sent to the couch when I get on facebook. and Ashley baked us banana bread, and Corinne brought us milkyways, doublestuff oreos and chips. I have housemates from heaven.

Garfield minus Garfield
Garfield Minus Garfield is a site dedicated to removing Garfield from the Garfield comic strips in order to reveal the existential angst of a certain young Mr. Jon Arbuckle. It is a journey deep into the mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against loneliness and depression in a quiet American suburb. 

intriguing. juxtaposition. feel it.

and then i picture this guy. and all is right with the world once more

Dead Poet's Society.
This is what i'm doing Sunday or Monday evening.
watching the film. but i mean taking a less traveled road sounds good as well.

LOVE robin williams. mucho grande style.

Monday, April 26, 2010

to desire

my new favorite song; listen to this: "all the way to the end of the world"

If you could wish for anything, in the whole world- What would it be?

Possibility. it's a magical word.

Saturday, April 24, 2010


"I’ve dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas; they’ve gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind."
Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Shout OUT

The Official Pokemon Website

The days of the original. Some great moments in my young adult life. I used to steal my brother's gameboy color and rename his pokemon to much better original and adorable names-he wasn't very thankful for my thoughfulness. I'd start new games and be allowed to save over his memory file if I could get farther than he first all nighter.
SO this post is a shout out to all the Pokemon hiding in the grass and sleeping on the streets.

it's mega-creative

it brings people together.

a great way to start a hobby

the undergdog gets his day in the sun

utopia land? i think so.

the emergence of cooperation

Live and Let Live
"A useful starting place is Robert Axelrod's famous analysis of the emergence of cooperation between groups of frontline soldiers who faced each other across the trenches of the Western Front in World War One. Axelrod wondered how cooperation could have developed between groups of men who could not converse and were in act trying to kill each other. His approach was to try to identify the strategic choices each group faced in dealing with its opponents across No Man's Land. Thus a vigorous assault at an unexpected time might lead to a victory, with many enemy dead. But the same option was also available to the enemy. Alternatively, if each group only pretended to attack, and made its artillery fire completely predictable, its opponents would have time to take cover. If both sides adopted this strategy, neither side would suffer casualties. In terms of the available options, while a successful attack is the best possible outcome, to be a victim of such an attack is clearly the worst, and "live and let live" falls somewhere in between. For a "live and let live" strategy to work, each side must trust the other. Such informal truces broke out repeatedly along the trenches, and became a major headache for the high command on both sides."

Though there was no official truce, about 100,000 British and German troops were involved in unofficial cessations of fighting along the length of the Western Front.[10] The first truce started on Christmas Eve, 24 December 1914, when German troops began decorating the area around their trenches in the region of YpresBelgium.[11] 
The Germans began by placing candles on their trenches and on Christmas trees, then continued the celebration by singing Christmas carols. The British responded by singing carols of their own. The two sides continued by shouting Christmas greetings to each other. Soon thereafter, there were excursions across the 'No Man's Land', where small gifts were exchanged, such as food, tobacco and alcohol, and souvenirs such as buttons and hats. The artillery in the region fell silent that night. The truce also allowed a breathing spell where recently-fallen soldiers could be brought back behind their lines by burial parties. Joint services were held. The fraternization was not, however, without its risks; some soldiers were shot by opposing forces. In many sectors, the truce lasted through Christmas night, but it continued until New Year's Day in others.[9] 
General Sir Horace Smith-Dorrien, commander of the British II Corps, was irate when he heard what was happening, and issued strict orders forbidding friendly communication with the opposing German troops.[10] In the following years of the war, artillery bombardments were ordered on Christmas Eve to try to ensure that there were no further lulls in the combat. Troops were also rotated through various sectors of the front to prevent them from becoming overly familiar with the enemy. However, situations of deliberate dampening of hostilities also occurred. For example, artillery was fired at precise points, at precise times, to avoid enemy casualties by both sides.

-Robert Axelrod, via Wikipedia

Sunday, April 18, 2010


Listen to this: In your eyes

"Once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return." -Leonardo da Vinci

In Defiance of the World's Unseen Presence

"Humans have a knack for choosing precisely the things that are worst for them."

I lie to myself all the time. And its absolutely agitating because i only catch myself in the midst of the consequences.

I'm just now home. I gravitated to my desk chair, and am sitting in front of my computer, eating left over Easter candy. I'm soo entirely happy, but at the same time, quite entirely sad. It doesn't work mathematically though. So pulled by impossibility I find myself feeling numb at three am. this sunday morning. I decided to read through a diary I kept from last semester and found this entry...

November 7, 2009
Funk. It is a word with several connotations. But today its more of a well that i’m sitting in, right next to a ladder i may add. But i don’t remember how to get up and climb it. I just want to lay on the stoney bottom of the well with water washing up to my ears. curled in a ball plugged into my ipod. But the thing is the music that comes from the earphones is only trancing me farther into my lethargy of sadness. Why am I sad? Gosh there are several reasons. It is funny how no matter where you go problems don’t leave you. They’re magnetized to follow, even if it takes them a while to catch up, they follow. Usually when i feel this way i can blame it on being tired. When you’re tired your defenses are low, things are able to attack you so much easier.
I don’t like this at all. 
i think it fits for the evening

Friday, April 16, 2010

The best thing I know is to do exactly what you wish for a while.

"Live, travel, adventure, bless, and don't be sorry." -Jack Kerouac

"What is that feeling when you're driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? - it's the too-huge world vaulting us, and it's good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies." 
-Jack Kerouac

" Try, reach, want, and you may fall. But even if you do, you might be okay anyway.
If you don't try, you save nothing, because you might as well be dead. "

Plane Ticket Purchased!!! This doesn't even feel real. Particularly the fact that its one way...!
Arrival Time: 10:40am

Audrey and Gregory
Roman Holiday

Joe: Now, come on. You're not that drunk.
Princess Ann: [laughing] If you're so smart I'm not drunk at all. I'm just being
[her head falls against his chest]
Princess Ann: verrrrry haaaappy... 

Princess Ann: But you want to do a lot of silly things?
Joe Bradley: [He takes her hand] ... First wish? One sidewalk cafe, comin' right up. I know just the place. Rocca's.

Four years ago...

oh look what i found! a fugly fish thats going to swim over via train to italia...from francia...

Thursday, April 15, 2010

April Showers

April Rain Song

Let the rain kiss you
Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops
Let the rain sing you a lullaby
The rain makes still pools on the sidewalk
The rain makes running pools in the gutter
The rain plays a little sleep song on our roof at night
And I love the rain. 

-Langston Hughes

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Last Week's Conversation

Listen to this: Blue Lips

He stumbled into faith and thought
God, there is all there is
The pictures in his mind arose
And began to breathe
And no one saw and no one heard
They just followed the lead
The pictures in his mind arose
And began to breathe

And no one saw
And no one heard they just followed the lead
The pictures in his mind awoke

Downtown Charlotte, it’s a miniature Big Apple and us southerners are rather proud of these tall buildings and scattered monuments to business and intellect. If you walk far enough down Tryon street, right at the outskirt of the city you’ll come across ‘The Wall’. A heap of bricks that hit a grown man at his waist, making for a nice perch to sit upon. But this title is more for the congregation of people that meet there everyday, the homeless of Charlotte. As La’Naeschia and I walked up to the pile of bricks we came across a church group giving out meals. Here we met Joe. We explained to Joe that we just wanted to talk to people, having a conversation or two was our ideal of the day. Joe has been serving meals at The Wall for the last seven years. Joe looked at us a little strange but warmly invited us to meet some of the meal recipients. Our first introduction was to Nathan. Before he left us to our own devices though, Joe lowered his voice and told us not to venture farther down the wall than need be, staying on this half was in our best interest. My eyes followed the pattern of offset clay slabs and sorted the scene. It was almost six pm. The sun was taking its time setting behind the skyscrapers, still managing to illuminate the seemingly endless line of people. What I noticed most about the group was the range of interactions occurring simultaneously in one place. Closest to me were two people leaning on one another napping in the heat, and as far as my vision could discern were two men circling one another-fists risen. A monument to art, I’d title it ‘human nature’.  

Nathan is right under six feet tall. He was wearing a dusty red long sleeve shirt that hung over his milk chocolate skin- Pierced with a darker brown in his eyes. He had very tired eyes, and when he smiled, the kindness set you at ease and such is how our conversation began:

“Big Joe was my best friend-we played chess together downtown.” Nathan explained to me that Big Joe needed to have his legs amputated; he had been diagnosed with a gang green infection that would ultimately be deadly. But Big Joe’s response to the surgery was he’d “rather be whole.” Nathan touched the brow of his face and mumbled as if I was this old friend “if you want to live you need to get it amputated.” Nathan explained that the police found him a week after he died sitting on a bench in the winter time a couple of years ago.
Nathan then walked off a few meters, stepping in circles for a moment and then returned to the conversation.
“Big Joe was a member of a little shack, the Hope Chapel. There are no pews, but there’s a pIano.” [I capitalized the i because he pronounced it in the same way I would imagine you would if we differentiated capital letter pronunciations.] Every Sunday morning Big Joe went down and cleaned the place up, it was hard for him though because he was so large.” I nodded, trying to imagine the stocky man. He continued “God was preparing me to clean the place, make repairs.” His train of thought took him to an older woman who spent her own money on soap, deodorant, and shampoos for the homeless people of Charlotte. He shook his head at the thought, “They take it and sell it for drugs. I did it myself, felt like that’s all I got.” Nathan stared off down the street looking further down the wall. “I guess God wanted me to change, in that process of change, He asked me, would I help clean up?’ “Before, I was a madman.” He pointed down the street to the part of the wall we were suggested to keep away from. “They is crazy as I was, I was mundane. It was everyday, stagnate, trapped in a state of unchange...”
“But God just want you to come to him.” Nathan smiled up at me, pausing for a moment. “Jesus came for those that drink and do drugs. That’s the one God chose to help. He left ninety nine to find one, and the angels rejoiced when he found the one.
God don’t leave us, we leave God.
We have to make an initiative to want to change. Ultimately God is the one that’s going to change you. What people don’t understand. Take some people their whole life to figure out like and they still don’t. God’ll put you in that situation where he’ll ask” and now Nathan looked at me serious, dead on, then poked me hard “Who are you?” “Can you create life?”
Nathan walked away without saying anything else.
This is what I remember.

sail away

and another

I’ve convinced myself that listening to French music will instill the skills i need to pass my French quiz tomorrow. Currently –lady marmalade is ringing in my ears “Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir” yes, this will do great for the free writing part of the examination. The full fledged french music, well I can’t translate it all that well, and so I’m just hoping osmosis works for sound waves as well as water. Every eight minutes or so i lean back in my chair and run my fingers through my hair. Im sure the grease build-up will be highly impressive by the end of the night. When i shift just so, i can see out into the quad of unc. Where the streets are paved with gold. The bricks shine in the light of the lanterns glowing periodically along the pathway. It is a trickery of light but I think a pathway out of this place would be worth its weight in gold.

leading to here? I've never been sailing before.

until then, i'll just play with these thoughts in my head

spinning round my head
sail away with me honey
i put my heart in your hand

-oh David Gray. how i adore your white ladder

Grace Kelly and Louis Armstrong, two of my favorites.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Break the fast.

Allison: When you grow up, your heart dies.
Bender: Who cares?
Allison: I care.
-The Breakfast Club

Today Talia and I roamed the streets of Chapel Hill and landed at The Waffle House. Blueberry pancakes with a side of bacon will have you in a food coma within minutes of the first swallow. Also, I highly recommend the chocolate milk. After paying in cash we sauntered over to Starbucks. Sipping a caramel frappuccino I found my brain playing Soulja Boy's ditty- Donk. On repeat were the words "She got a donk...She got a donk...She got a donk." I couldn't help but think, what if my head was see through, and you could see the words rolling around my brain like the ticker on the news channels? What if everyone knew "She got a donk" was on repeat?? 
Well I pressed my palms to my head in effort to avoid any chance of this translucent possibility. Then I figured what about Jesus? I mean he hears everything right? Jesus knows I'm singing "she got a donk" in my head! Grief, so now I'm trying to play some more appropriate music inside, I went with a hymn, Amazing Grace counts, right? On explanation of my head covering attempts, Talia smartly replied that if Jesus wants to hear good music he could just get inside the brain of U2. Well, excuse me, but I was somewhat offended at this comment. And at this point I was trying to think of the perfect retort and simultaneously play in my head every great song in history to compete with Bono's musical mind. No witty retaliation came to me, but then logic set in. I decided that since Jesus will end up in my brain no matter what, well, I might as well make it as cozy as possible, and I might as well be playing some loverly jazz. Sending my neurons firing in a zesty firework display, I pulled out some classical tunes and then found my mind wandering to the entrancing voice of Nina Simone. After I finished my Starbucks and left Talia for class, Soulja Boy attacked once more. 
She got a donk
she got a donk
she got a donk
Well, Jesus, I tried. 

Don't you love these two movie screen shots? hmm...

Get Addicted

"To be left alone on the tightrope of youthful unknowing is to experience 
the excruciating beauty of full freedom and the threat of eternal indecision"
 -Maya Angelou

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