"The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings."
-J.M. Barrie
My roommate smiles and slides "He's just not that into you" across the table. My hand is aching wear I burnt it on the pan I decided to pick up despite its lethal temperature and metal conductive gifts. I stare at the empty bag of peanut m&m's in front of me. Today was a bad day. Last night was a bad night. I think the sun was confused and bled the sadness into the morning as it rose, slowly creeping left over despair into cracks and crevices where comforting darkness fought to hold its own...but lost.
I've been obsessed with flying. The word constantly arises in my mind, the lyrics floating the idea to the brim of my brain. I even had this dream where I was in my elementary school library with a boy. Everyone was studying and then he grabs my hand and smiles-lifting up our hands clasped and my feet raise from the floor against the backdrop of hundreds of book covers. I felt the way Nintendo characters feel that can't quite fly but are able to balance their weight against the air for a few moments before gravity pulls them back to the ground. Like when you have to press the x button on the controller a couple of times for Mario or Crash Bandicoot to achieve the higher levels. That's what I felt, but it was blissful, soaring- and we didn't even get in trouble as we took turns lifting one another into the air. Even my astonished old library teacher smiled from behind her austere silver rimmed glasses.
"take these broken wings and learn to fly" -Blackbird by the Beatles
"I'm learning to fly, but I ain't got wings" -Learning to fly by Tom Petty
"Fly me to the moon and let me sing among the stars" -Fly me to the moon by Frank Sinatra
"One day I'll fly away, Leave all this to yesterday" -Moulin Rouge
The one that plays the most incessantly, comes into my head and twirls itself out of my lips as well. I can't help but sing the song aloud-on the metro, on the street, at a casting. It just longs to escape, and I don't mind so much.
wake up where the clouds are far
behind me
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.
Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can't I?
That's where you'll find me.
Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can't I?